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The Signs as Shit I've Seen at a Public High School

  1. Aries: fistfights during passing periods after which at least one kid leaves school and comes back with stitches
  2. Taurus: leaving in the middle of class and getting bagels because you've lost control of your life
  3. Gemini: finding a hot dog on the ground and eating it without a second thought
  4. Cancer: lying down in a hallway and refusing to move for half an hour
  5. Leo: those kids who scream at each other in crowded hallways
  6. Virgo: multiple honors students having meltdowns in the quad at once
  7. Libra: kids getting driven away on golf carts and disappearing for several days after the fact
  8. Scorpio: fire alarms getting pulled at least once per quarter
  9. Sagittarius: tiny, insular elective classes that act like cults
  10. Capricorn: music teachers being feared and worshiped as gods
  11. Aquarius: couples making out on the roof of the English building
  12. Pisces: that one new teacher that doesn't know what the fuck they're doing and gets pushed around by the seniors
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